Clinical sexologist warns rom‑coms give poor relationship advice

Emily Power Smith, a clinical sexologist and psychosexual therapist, told The Moncrieff Show that using romantic comedies or pornography as a guide to sexual desire is as misguided as watching “The Fast and the Furious” and believing you can drive.

Power Smith explained that many couples experience “desire discrepancy”, most often in sexual desire but also in areas such as adventure, socialising, family time or even wine preferences. She said this occurs in both heterosexual and same‑sex relationships and is a normal part of partnership dynamics.

She highlighted a lack of realistic relationship models, noting that people often internalise the fictional expectations presented in rom‑coms. “It’s made up. It’s fiction. It’s acting,” she said, adding that the dominant model of arousal reflects a narrow, young‑healthy‑male perspective that does not suit everyone.

To address desire gaps, Power Smith suggested reframing questions. Instead of asking “Why don’t you fancy me anymore?” partners might ask “When are you most attracted to me?” This approach, she said, encourages a more constructive conversation about what triggers attraction, such as seeing a partner excel at work or enjoy an adventure.

She stressed that these discussions are often difficult because they feel highly personal and vulnerable, yet they are essential for understanding each other’s needs.

Source: Newstalk. Photo: Furkan Özavcı / Pexels.